I would never have guessed the term ‘readjusting’ would be front and center as a personal issue. Why would it be? We were only gone for just over 2 years (although our intent was to be there indefinately, life happened). What could possibly have changed so much in 2 years? So little yet oh so much.
Everything looked the same … so why was everything so different? I was home, where after being so sick in Mexico, was where I wanted to be; needed to be. I was able to wrap my arms around my babies and family ANY time I wanted yet I felt so empty, depressed, so lost. Perhaps it was just finally being able to breathe ~ knowing I survived but realizing how sudden our lives changed and could have changed even further. Perhaps it was more. I didn’t know, didn’t understand.
WHAT THE HELL?
After the surgeries, I just wanted to be home (I would soon realize the true meaning of that word). I had such a ‘hate-on’ for Mexico, and told myself that everything would be better ‘if I could just get home’; which became my favorite sentence. Now back, why wasn’t everything better? As my husband continues to remind me with ‘This is where you wanted to be’ (from his hiding spot) 😉 and he is right, so why wasn’t I happy? What was wrong with me?
Yes, I couldn’t be away from the kids any longer, that much I knew without a doubt. I learned I’m just not that parent who can live thousands of miles from the heartbeats of my soul, not yet anyway. However I also believed that I ‘needed’ to be back for everyone else. Life couldn’t possibly be the same without me right? Wrong! Coming back made me realize that although people had missed us, they could live without us. We didn’t need to be here for their lives to go on, because their lives had clearly continued flawlessly in our absence. Huh, who knew?
(Insert epiphany here) ⇒ It was time to live life for my reasons, not everyone else’s.
I was different. It was me. I had changed; I had grown. What the hell? I thought all this learning stuff would be over by now, but apparently it’s life long. Didn’t see that one coming!!
So what did I learn? I learrned that everything I was feeling was normal, YES, normal. And I wasn’t alone. Many people have difficulties readjusting from living abroad, and perhaps not even abroad, maybe just far from home. I could breathe … it was all going to be okay!
Along with understanding I wasn’t alone, the most valuable lesson I took away was that it was time for me to live life on my terms; for my reasons. I’ve always known life could be short, but I never imagined it could be mine. Reflection can be a cruel gift sometimes however on we go ~ up we go.
This life altering adventure brought so many lessons. Some good, some bad but all worth learning. One of the greatest gifts along the way ~ the people brought into our lives. Some true, many see-through and a small handful of new family ♥ for life ♥
Did it all work out as planned? ABSOLUTELY NOT … but I wouldn’t want it any other way!
If you have a story you’d like to share about readjusting, please send it to us!
